I am having one of those days that is going to end with me either punching someone in the face or flushing my own head down the toilet. I am a mega, mega beeyotch. Some people call these kind of days the exception. I call them Tuesday.
My husband made the mistake of asking me why I am so bitchy today. While I was shoveling dirt back into the hole in the garden I came up with quite a long list. I thought I’d share it with you, just in case some of you others have a similar problem and don’t want to have to think all of this up again.
REASONS WHY I AM A BITCH (valid on any given day)
- I woke up.
- I woke up too early.
- The kids kept me up all night
- I have kids (applicable to most days)
- I am married…to a man (maybe it would be different if I had married a woman…I dunno.)
- My pants are too tight
- My pants are all dirty
- I am wearing my least favorite pair of underwear (the threadbare granny panties that ride up my butt)
- I have to go somewhere that I can’t wear yoga pants
- I had to put on a bra AND brush my hair
- My bra is too big (why can’t the weight come out of my belly instead of my boobs?)
- It’s my non shower day but I have to look nice
- It’s my shower day but I don’t have anywhere to go
- I left my house (sometimes, isn’t that enough?)
- I have 400 loads of laundry to do / dishes to wash / etc.
- Someone peed on my floor
- Someone pooped on my floor
- My husband said the word “gym” in the house. (Context is irrelevant)
- Nothing I see, read, hear or think is funny
- Everything I think of is funny, but I can’t get anywhere to write it down
- My kids are hanging off of me
- My kids prefer Papa (I know that I should be happy about that, but don’t the little shits know that I do all of the work and therefore deserve all of the credit)
- Everyone on facebook is posting up motivational shit. I don’t need that.
- No one is posting anything on facebook. (Come on, refresh already!!)
- No one helped me fold the laundry
- My husband helped, but did it all wrong and didn’t put anything away
- The kids “helped” me fold laundry and now I have to rewash it all
- The weather sucks.
- The kids are being assholes
- I have PMS
- My husband has PMS
- My kids have PMS
- The dog ate my lunch
- We ran out of sweets in the house.
So those are my reasons….or a few of them at least. What are yours?