Off-Limits Toddler Halloween Costumes

Yesterday Nomad Papa asked me if we were going to go trick or treating. He was concerned that we hadn’t bought the girls a costume. Let me repeat that, he was concerned that our children, who spend more of their lives in a ballgown than jeans, did not have anything appropriate to wear for halloween. This is either a sign of the apocalypse or that he too is starting to believe that sequin-covered acrylic is acceptable daywear.

Anyways…

All of that halloween talk got me thinking about halloween costumes. For those of you who know me, it should come as no surprise that I dedicated my brain activity to thinking about how I couldn’t dress the kids rather than thinking about what they should wear. So here they are – my top picks for the best off-limits toddler halloween costumes:

The “Mommy” Costume

You know what would be awesome? if someone would refill my wine glass. It’s empty. And right after that, it would be awesome if my 2 and 4 year olds had to cart around a load of crap and an uncooperative kid for an evening. I’d like to stick a package of flour in their waistband, hot glue a babydoll to their hip and give them a diaper bag, purse, potty, 8 toys, crayons and a coloring book to carry around the neighborhood. Unfortunately, I’m pretty sure that someone would call Child Protective Services on me.

The “Plumber” Costume

Oh my god, how easy and awesome would it be to dress a little kid up like a plumber and let half of their butt cheeks peek out over their pants? All you would need is one of those Little Tyke tool belts, a white t-shirt and some too-big jeans (which pretty much describes every pair of toddler jeans). The problem with this costume is two-fold. One, leaving that much butt exposed is pretty much asking for a blowout (and I don’t mean a party). Two, as soon as you posted a photo up on facebook, someone would jump all over you for partial nudity and then your head would explode.

The “Walk of Shame” Princess

My senior year of college I wore this awesome princess-style ballgown to an event where I drank only slightly more than I spilled down the front of my dress. The next day while faced with the option of trashing the dress or trying to scrounge up the cash to clean it, I came up with a brilliant idea. One stained dress and carefully coiffed “bedhead” style later, I was walk of shame princess for halloween. Given the amount of wear and tear my kids’ costumes see, walk of shame princess would be soooooo easy to do. But that would be wrong. Right?

What do you guys think? Do you have some awesome costume ideas that you just can’t do? Post them up in the comments…I could use some more ideas :)

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