I’ve made lots of friends through blogging, but have met very few of them in real life. Olga from The European Mama is the exception. She is just as nice in real life as she seems in her blog (actually, maybe nicer), so I had no idea why she hung out with me. Then an amazing thing happened: she had her third child, got no sleep and turned into a mega bitch. And I LOVED it. The scathing wit I’d always hoped to have was pouring out of her mouth and her pen. Perhaps we had more in common than I thought.
So here is her story. It is a bit different from her normal blog, so don’t be surprised if you follow her over there. Enjoy!
I have discovered the secret of how to be invisible. For real. And I will share it with you, for free, because I am kind like that.
You will need:
- a baby carrier or a baby sling- the snugglier- looking, the better.
- A very cute baby. It works with mine because he is endlessly cute. If yours not as cute, you can have mine but I’ll charge you for that.
- To be a woman. Sorry, guys, but if you’re a man, you will not become invisible. Quite on the contrary, you will find yourself surrounded by women and you will never know whether the word “cute” (and you will hear that a lot!) will refer to you or your baby.
Put the baby in the baby carrier so that he faces you. That way he will look much cuter. Also, make sure that the baby is no older than let’s say 6 months. Then they’re just too big, sorry. A baby around 1 month old is just perfect, and coincidentally, my baby is just that age. Did I mention he’s cute?
Go to any social event. You know, one with real adult people to talk to and stuff to buy and wine to drink. Start talking to someone and let the magic do its work.
Now, let me tell you, and I am sure that my honesty will kill me someday, that this is not perfect. The way it works is that it basically draws the attention away from you to your baby. Everybody will notice him before they notice you, so unfortunately, it doesn’t last for a long time, and at some point, they will realize that the baby is not floating in the air, but instead is attached to someone. And this is when they’ll notice you.
So, not perfect, but it’s enough to well… drink another glass of wine without having to pay for it. Snatch that beautiful piece of jewellery without anyone noticing. Or stick your tongue out at the person who’s staring at the place that used to be your rack but now has a baby attached to it. It makes you feel like saying: “Hey! My eyes are here!”.
Of course, I am not encouraging you to steal. Stealing is bad! But don’t you feel like punishing these people for not noticing your awesome self? Having a baby should NOT make you invisible!
Of course, if he’s very cute (like mine!) you can sort of forgive them… after all, you’re not as cute as he is, sorry. But only sort of. Because, with baby or not, you are still there.