Once you got that baby out of your belly, I bet you thought that level of stressful craziness was behind you. Not so, bucko! The first five years (at least!) of birthday celebrations are so bad, you’ll find yourself wishing for an epidural all over again. Don’t believe me? Here are eleven ways birthday parties are just like childbirth:
- They cost a fortune and you spend weeks preparing for them – between the party favors, custom cake, professionally printed invites and the birthday presents, that hospital bill will start to look like a bargain.
- No matter how well you pack and plan, 55% of what you bring will be unnecessary and you will forget at least one key item. Can you believe that we forgot a lighter for the candles? WTF?
- By the time the big event happens, you’ll be sweating worse than a congressman caught in a strip club and at least one person in the room will be half naked…although hopefully, this time it won’t be you.
- You will beg someone to put you out of your misery and they will just chuckle and pat you on the arm before walking away. (Newsflash: we weren’t joking.)
- Every time you look for your husband, you’ll find him sitting down relaxing. He’s hiding because he’s afraid you’re going to tell him that all the problems are his fault….because they are.
- Your mother-in-law will show up late and take credit for everything. And she’ll also bring some stupidly elaborate gift that exactly one-ups whatever you bought.
- Even though you do all the work, the presents are all for someone else. At least with birthdays you can hold out hope that there will be some leftover cake.
- You can’t have a glass of wine until they’re over….(or maybe that’s just me….do I need to find new friends?)
- Someone will tell you to enjoy the magical moment and you will find it hard not to punch them. Spoiler alert, it will probably be your mother in law.
- Both events end with the sound of a kid crying. Oops, sorry. Typo there. That should read “the sound of YOUR kid crying”….#ohjoy
- Afterwards, you will swear that there is no way you can go through this pain again, but by the time the next one rolls around, you’ll have forgotten how bad they are.
And this is why the cycle never ends. Now where the hell is that leftover cake?
Teach them all to fish already!
Motherhood turned me into a scaredy cat
How I Taught My Daughter to Embrace Her Differences
BAD PARENTING: PLAYGROUND EDITION
I WANT TO EAT AT MOM’S FOR MOTHER’S DAY
ashley says
This is SO true. And, if it makes you feel any better, I was about 99.9% certain we left a kid at Chuck E. Cheese the last birthday run around. As in, we nearly packed up the car and headed BACK to Chuck E. Bleu Cheese to ensure she wasn’t stuck in the ball pit. Thankfully, I phoned her mother and apparently the young one had been picked up. No, there wasn’t alcohol at the party. I did that completely sober.
Andrea Walker says
Lynn this is so true! As busy moms we felt exactly the same way! For this reason we launched http://www.simplygenie.com – an online boutique that offers personalized kids birthday parties in a box -with just the right amount of items and even a party plan to guide you every step of the way!