Today I wore my fat pants to work. I wore them because I *thought* I couldn’t fit into my regular pants and was too afraid to try. I couldn’t face the anxiety of knowing that my butt had grown another inch and my pants were not going to close.
I gave up before I even tried. And that is so not me.
Why do so many of us have terrible body image issues? How much of our perception of our weight is just that – a false image in our own heads that doesn’t match up with what everyone else sees?
I feel like I’ve spent half my life judging my self-worth by the pair of pants I put on in the morning.
By a pair of pants, people. A pair of pants.
I am a grown woman. In 2009, I moved halfway around the world with a 7 week old baby to a house I had never seen, and I didn’t have the courage to try on a pair of pants. And the really sad part (as though this whole thing wasn’t incredibly depressing…it is), the sad part is that they would have fit.
I’m tired of thinking about my weight. I’m tired of trying to dredge up the will to go back on Weight Watchers and eat salad for 6 weeks so I can lose a few pounds. I’m tired of thinking that losing those few pounds will change my life.
But most of all, I’m tired of knowing that losing those pounds would change my life. Last summer I lost 8 lbs and I strutted my bikini-bottomed butt around the beach, purposefully stripped down in front of my husband and bowled over the other playgroup moms with my newfound confidence. 8 measly pounds and my whole outlook on life changed.
The key word in this whole discussion is ME. Me, me, me, me, me. My outlook, my feeling, my actions. No where in there did another person’s opinion have any impact.
Thanks to Melanie’s post, I am sitting myself down for an intervention. I’m through with the yo-yo dieting, undressing in the closet, sneaking a cookie in the kitchen at 11pm. I’m through with shoving my not too big butt off into the corner to hang with the other “think they’re too fat” gals. I’m through with letting 5 pounds make or break my happiness, my marriage, my identity.
I am going to get out there on the dance floor and twerk right alongside Melanie. Maybe then I’ll remember what other people think my moneymaker is worth and I’ll let that guide me for a change.