MOMMA NEEDS A NEW PAIR OF SHOES

Today the countdown to my trip to the US starts. Normally I’d be dreading the idea of 8 hours on a plane, but this time I am going without the kids. 8 hours in a cardboard box all by myself sounds like a dream vacation. As I’ll be traveling alone, I can booze it up without abandon. And so I would like to introduce:

THE “PARENT FLYING WITHOUT KIDS” DRINKING GAME

(To play this game you will need to pre-order a number of single-shot bottles of wine equivalent to the number of kids on your flight.)

• Every time a kid accidentally presses the call button, take a drink.
• Every time a parent makes a lap up the aisles with a toddler, take a drink.
• Every time you have to play peek-a-boo with the kid in the seat in front of you, take a drink.
• Every time you see a stranger offer advice to a parent, take a drink.
• When you see a parent argue with the flight attendant, take two drinks.
• If you find yourself offering to help a parent, sacrifice one bottle of wine to said parent.
• Every time the kid behind you kicks your seat, take a drink. (Only valid as long as you are sober enough to notice the kicking.)

You can interrupt the game anytime you want to fall into a drunken coma or to break the pee seal. After all, you won’t have any kids with you to keep you awake and out of the bathroom.

Getting back to me, I am looking forward to back-sliding into my shopaholic habit. This momma needs a new pair of shoes, and jeans, and pants, and, and, and. It is a long list and only a few short days.

Alex also informed me that he has a list of “presents” he expects me to bring back for him. WTH – isn’t getting a 5 day vacation from me present enough? Apparently not. Materialistic bastard.

This is where you all come in. I’m gonna need some cold hard cash to pay for all my goodies. Lord & Taylor won’t let me pay with peace, love and goodwill for all men (they know that check of mine would bounce anyways). Not to worry, I’m not going to send you one of those African King died and left you all his money emails. I am asking you to help me grow the audience for this blog.

If you are amused from time to time by my antics. If you sometimes even laugh out loud. If you think I need to go to rehab for my drinking problem (you’d drink if you had my kids). If any of these statements describe you, please share my facebook page with your friends. If I can get enough likes, maybe someone will pay me to put some ads on here. I promise to make them good…and if not, just ignore them like I ignore my kids while writing this blog.

Thanks everyone!