Magnolia Ripkin kicks my butt

(Magnolia Ripkin is my FAVORITE advisor. I heart her, wholeheartedly. And for some crazy reason, she hearts me back. I’ve decided not to question it in case she changes her mind. I asked her to guest post so that I could introduce her to the rest of you. So read on below to see how she kicked my butt back into the right mindset and then head over to the HuffPo, BLUNTmoms or her own blog and read everything else she has ever written. Trust me!)

Reading Nomad Mommy is very interesting as mothering in a country far from one’s own hasn’t exactly been my personal experience. However, putting a whole whack of miles and two time zones between me and the relatives? Ya totally get that.

I think the experience for Mothers who raise families nomadically (like military families for instance) is one thing. An entirely other breed of woman takes the leap and follows heart, career, opportunity, adventure or man to another country. Even more intestinal fortitude credits go to those who put down roots in cultures and languages that are completely alien to them.

Yet I think that there is a downside to all the cultural interestingness that that the living situation brings to these women’s adventures. It looks very cool to live in distant places, but other peoples’ lives always look more glamorous on the outside than the reality behind the scenes don’t they? On top of “foreign land” challenges, making friends and true connections is hard later in life. Many of our best friends arrive in our youth and twenties. I know that for me, most of the bitches and nannies at the nursery school didn’t make it past the first cut in my thirties. So making new friends can be a long ugly slog.

And there are times where you need help with your little ones. No local Mom or Aunties to call, so the adventure moms buck up, stop needing the help and just do it all themselves. I wonder if these gals get so hyper focused on being the one and only, they forget to take some life for themselves. I would imagine date night is pretty hard to arrange when trying to get a babysitter is done through phrase books and hand signals when arriving in a new culture.

Unless she has executed clever subterfuge into the “65 and over” knitting club to target potential child minders, the world travelling Mom is kind of on her own. Either she goes out, or hubby does. It is so romantic when one comes through the door with groceries and the other is cleaning barf off the ceiling.

It would be so easy to fall into a pattern of bearing it all, carrying the whole load and before long, Moms world becomes very small. She might as well be living in a dark box for all the enjoyment she gets out of the glamorous “foreign” location she calls home.

So now I think maybe she needs a bit of a bitch slap:

I wonder what percentage of the population actually has the privilege to set up house in a foreign land? That is a pretty cool thing. So why would somebody waste that being ultra focused on the minutia and drudgery of raising children without the balancing effect of exploration, adventure, outings and yes… a night out without the kids?

It is so important to fill up the joy “tank” on the things that are different and interesting in the place you live. Because when things go off the rails, like a sick Dad ten hours flight away, or an injury that lays Mom out at home, it will be hard living so far away. Christmases (or whatever people celebrate) suck when being away from all we have known – even it is dysfunctional and only SEEMS fun. It still pulls hearts back to home. And at that moment, humans, especially the Mom kind, need something to draw from. That tank of “cool shit about the place we live” needs to be full. Because when it is time to take strength from the good things, the withdrawal from the balance is huge.

Being a world away has to be worth it in the end, or it becomes a life of want, and of missing something that is just not there. Because as humans, we tend to romanticize and miss what we left behind, but it can never be that perfect picture in in our minds again. That old saying is true “you can never go home again”. To which I would like to add, don’t forget to build a life where you are, because that IS home, and you can make it happy.

Bio:
Magnolia Ripkin is sort of like your mouthy Aunt who drinks too much and tells you how to run your life, except funny… well mostly funny… like a cold glass of water in the face. Channeling Erma Bombeck and Dear Abby she is flinging out advice, answering pressing questions about business, personal development, parenting, heck even the bedroom isn’t safe. New to the scene, she would love to answer your reader questions.

Other places to find her: Huffington Post, Blunt Moms.com and www.magnoliaripkin.com