The Nomad Mom Diary

I'm carrying around a LOT of baggage

Teaching Our Children the Value of the Smile

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Value of a smile

“Don’t stare,” says my mom as she cuffs the back of my head and nudges me along through the store. I’m 6 years old. Old enough to notice that people are different, but not yet old or experienced enough to know that I’m not supposed to acknowledge that.

“Don’t stare. Don’t point. Don’t call attention to their difference or disability.” My mother drills her instructions into my head. “Would you want to be stared at all day?” she asks. I answer, “No.”

How many generations have passed along this same advice? “Mind your own business.” “Just worry about yourself.” This advice was easy to follow and probably even made sense 25+ years ago when the likelihood that we children would encounter someone who was “different” was slim – especially if, like me, you were a child in small town USA.

It took me moving abroad to understand that there might be a better alternative to just looking away. At 5’10” tall, blond hair and blue eyes, I stood, often literally, head and shoulders above the Italians. In my small Italian town, I was the oddball. I talked funny. I looked funny. People stared or they looked away. It felt terrible.

Over those weeks and months I learned the infinite value of the smile. I’d see another American staring open-mouthed up at the castle on the hill and I’d smile and say hello. Their faces would light up and they’d stop me to chat. I would always walk away with a smile on my face and in my heart.

Gradually, I started to smile more. I smiled at the old woman shuffling through the market. She patted my hand and said, “Grazie, cara!” when I offered to carry her heavy bag. I smiled at the other nannies who struggled with unruly children. Slowly but surely I woke up to the world around me.

Now I smile at everyone I see that is somehow different from me. It takes but a moment to catch their eye, and if needed, offer a hand, and it is always, always worthwhile.

Recently I chatted with a friend who is going through cancer treatments. She said, “It’s strange, but sometimes people smile at me. I’m bald and swollen and so obviously dealing with a major health issue. It kind of creeped me out that they would smile. But one day I realized that these people who are smiling, these people are smiling because they want to let me know that they get what I’m going through. Maybe they’ve had cancer or known someone who has been very sick. Maybe they just want to let me know that even though they don’t know me, they care. And now I smile back.”

As the words came out of her mouth, I started to smile. I couldn’t help it.

Now I tell my own children: don’t stare, don’t point but also don’t look away. Just smile. Smile and let them know that you care. And maybe, just maybe they’ll smile right back at you.

Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we all realized the infinite value of the smile?

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Comments

  1. This is such a great post. The human connection in every culture has the thread of a smile running through it.
    The best people smile at strangers (well the creepy ones maybe not so much)
    You keep smiling lady, because you sure brighten my world.

  2. This is an awesome post, Lynn. It made me smile just reading it. It’s amazing what one smile can do to change someone’s mood.

  3. I smile all the time. It instantly pegs me as an American among a sea of frowning French people, yet they are receptive to it. You’re so right – you really can’t go wrong with a smile.

  4. I love to smile at people. When I was in college a million or so years back, I got to go to S. Korea for a mission trip. I was on the bus one day by myself enjoying the people watching. As we drove past the US military base, I saw this kid. He was trying to do tricks on his skate board and totally wiped out. As I burst out laughing, I heard someone near me do the same thing. It was a Korean gal. We exchanged grins and were friends in a less than a second. We never spoke or saw each other again, but it made me very aware that laughing and smiling are universal and can bring people together across cultures. As I’ve grown up (really, I have!…maybe…) I’ve never forgotten this, smiling at people is one of the most important things I can do for others.

  5. Beautiful post – and so true. A smile costs you nothing, but it’s a gift of infinite value to the person who receives it.
    Gorgeous shot of you and your daughter -double the joy in those grins!

  6. This. Is. Awesome. I am always the weirdo who smiles and says “hi” as I would rather feel weird about that than about never making a connection with people. Sometimes all you need in a day is a smile, at least I do. Well, and a bag full of money wouldn’t hurt either.

    Anyway, beautiful piece.

  7. I absolutely adore this. It’s such good advice. I’m smiling at you now! When the family and I moved from Oregon (where people are super nice) to California (where they aren’t as nice), we vowed to smile at everyone and “bring nice back.” It’s an amazingly effective strategy.

  8. I’ve been doing a little smile (that’s more of a side smirk) for years and have recently caught a glimpse of myself in a window and discovered that I look pretty half-assed while doing it – despite my intention of appearing friendly/subtle. I guess I need to amp it up and really commit to it more in the future. Great post Lynn.

  9. I’ve noticed that pregnant ladies always smile at each other and people often gave me a little smile while I was pregnant. You’re completely right, I felt like they were telling me they knew what I was going through. I’m a smiler for sure! 🙂

  12. Well, you got me right in the feels. Love this post, Lynn … it’s just what I need–I think all of us need it, honestly–with so much negativity in the newsfeed lately.

    🙂

  14. Love this Lynn! Since I’ve moved to countries where I am clearly a foreigner, I often find myself smiling at other foreigners I see , in an “I get you” fashion! A smile goes a long way!