FAT PANTS

Last week I went to London to visit my glamourous friend. You know, the friend you aspire to become when you grow up. (If you don’t have one of those, get one!) I put a lot of thought into what I should wear. I needed to appear perfectly put together but still maintain an air of casualness so that it didn’t seem like I was trying to hard. The solution: blown out hair, make-up, cute jeans and a v-neck tee.

As usual, I was running late so the first chance I had to really sit down was on the airplane. I climbed in and slid down into my designated spot. And then I immediately arched back up so that I could adjust my jeans and tuck the muffin top down below the belt line. Shit. I did not see that coming. I suddenly realized that my seemingly well-thought out wardrobe plan had a fatal flaw: I did not wear my fat pants.

I spent the flight wondering why someone can’t invent a cute pair of fat pants. My personal pair of choice are some “Not Your Daughter’s Jeans” that no one under the age of 75 would proudly wear in public. The butt sags down below my inner thighs and the waistband is large enough to fit me and my daughter into at the same time. In short, all the reasons why I LOVE those pants are the same reasons why my husband goes running in the opposite direction when he sees them coming. (Hmmm, note to self: wear fat pants when trying to avoid husband’s attention.)

I came back home thoroughly frustrated with clothing designers. WTF people? Don’t any of you have kids? I bet if just one of you hosted a mommy summit and asked for our help in designing a cute pair of fat jeans, you’d win the Nobel Peace prize and make a gazillion dollars. Think about it, ok?

But something happened to pull me out of the deep dark depths of depression. My friend Molly pinged me on facebook to let me know about an ad she just saw:

Sexy overalls? It was like a light from heaven shot through the clouds and shined down directly on my laptop screen. Could this be the solution to all of our fat pants problems? TOTALLY! Let me introduce you to my new wardrobe: