Some parents struggle when picking a name for their kids. Not me. I had names picked out back when I was still in diapers. The oldest was going to be Aleksandra (I would call her Sasha) and the youngest Alexis. I didn’t care that the names sounded similar and pretentious. They were my names and […]
11 Ways Kid Birthday Parties Are Just Like Childbirth
Once you got that baby out of your belly, I bet you thought that level of stressful craziness was behind you. Not so, bucko! The first five years (at least!) of birthday celebrations are so bad, you’ll find yourself wishing for an epidural all over again. Don’t believe me? Here are eleven ways birthday parties […]
The Ultimate Guide to Staycations
Calling anything involving kids a “vacation” is a JOKE! Once you are a parent, the only true vacation begins with you and your kids getting in vehicles going in opposite directions. Since most of us aren’t made of money, we have to try and convince ourselves that staying together at home counts as a vacation. […]
An Open Letter to 1D’s Zayn Malik from a Mom
Dear Zayn, Normally when I have to talk with kids about a beloved pop star leaving the public eye, it’s because they’re dead. That seems to be the way it goes nowadays. A crazy rise to stardom, a seemingly never-ending series of stunts and stories to make them bigger, better, badder, crazier, more slutty, more […]
Seven Things My Children Taught Me About Love
People always say that they never knew what love was until they had children. Before having kids of my own, I assumed that this phrase referenced the amazing, unconditional love a mother has for her progeny, a bottomless supply required to overcome challenges such as poop smeared walls and 24+ hours of labor. Now that […]
Peace and Quiet for Everyone
I run up the stairs in my house, taking them four at a time and thinking that this is the closest I’ve come to doing the splits in the last twenty-odd years. I skid to a stop just inside the bathroom doorway and glare down at the two dripping, soggy, crying children. I’d like to […]
Who Will Tell Her She’s Not Beautiful
“Mommy, come quick!” my daughter shouts at me from the upstairs bathroom. I fly into the room expecting to find a child half-drowned in the bathtub. Instead I find my five and a half year old standing on the stepping stool and staring at her underwear-clad body in the mirror. “I tilted it down and […]
6 Ways to Make Supermarket Checkouts Less Sucky
Taking kids to the grocery store really, really sucks. I don’t take my kids along often, but when I do, I end up using my evil witch voice before we even get past the produce section. By the time I make it to the checkout, I am sweaty, grumpy, frazzle-haired and in no mood to […]