37 Women Walk into a Bar

37 women walk into a bar.

37 women who are as funny as the leading stand-up comedians and spend the entire night tossing jokes back and forth as quickly as they can toss down their wine.

This is what my life is like now that I am “in” with the coolest lady writers. We have a super secret facebook group where we poke fun of one another, trade one-liners and try to somehow organize the mayhem that is book promotion.

I am having the time of my life.

We thought it would be fun to share some of the fun of our group with the rest of the world, so here it is – the madness that is the Super Cool Lady Writers from I Just Want to Be Alone!

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Q: How did you come up with the name of your blog?

My blog’s name is “You’re my favorite today” because it’s something I regularly say to one of my children. But only one of them. — Michelle Newman, You’re my favorite today.
I’ve always called my kids my life suckers. Because they suck the life out of me. So when it came time to name my blog it was the obvious choice. – Deva Dalporto, MyLifeSuckers

I didn’t. The Hubs did. I said I wanted to start a blog and I was going to call it something like Jen’s Musings or Just Jen and the Hubs said those were terrible names. He said, “You’re always saying you want to punch so and so in the throat. That should be name of your blog and then you can rant about anything you want.” – Jen – People I Want to Punch in the Throat

If you had my opinions would you write as yourself? For real? – Magnolia Ripkin

I knew I would incorporate my family into my blog, and that it would (hopefully) be humorous. I didn’t love the name, but I was itching to start blogging, and I couldn’t do it without a name. The birth of Funny Is Family is maybe the most impulsive thing I’ve ever done. – Amy Flory, FunnyIsFamily.com

Q: What is your biggest daily accomplishment?

Honestly, every single day I want to jump in the air and click my heels together that I managed to feed the boys something they liked and is good for them. I’m like “by some miracle, they got fed and fed well again tonight.” Other days, I really feel like my biggest accomplishment is showering and making myself look presentable. –Andrea C., The Underachiever’s Guide to Being a Domestic Goddess

Brushing my teeth before noon. No, I’m not kidding. –Stephanie, WhenCrazyMeetsExhaustion.com

Making it until bedtime. — Leanne Shirtliffe, IronicMom.com

Surviving. – Deva Dalporto, MyLifeSuckers

I’m trying to think of something I accomplish on a daily basis… thinking… thinking… Really, the only thing I can truly be counted on to do with any regularity is wake up. But not necessarily on time. — Robyn, HollowTreeVentures.com

My motto is…”It’s 3:00. Have you showered yet?” I’m about 50/50 on most days. — Stacey Hatton, NurseMommyLaughs.com

Q: When was the last time you cried?

At almost 9-months pregnant with my third baby, when was the last time I DIDN’T cry? It’s like puberty with all body hair and no period. — Stephanie, WhenCrazyMeetsExhaustion.com

A few days ago, when my toddler told me she really, really, REALLY loves me. I got all misty, then she asked me what “I love you” means. — Robyn, HollowTreeVentures.com

At “The Lego Movie.” Shut up, you don’t know my life. – Nicole Leigh Shaw, NinjaMomBlog.com

Last week. When a Mean Mom made cry for doing what she thought was a suck ass job. So I blogged about it. And now who’s crying, bitch? – Christine, Keeper of The Fruit Loops

I never cry, but I cried twice in the same day last week. Once because I had my first Internet troll and again watching “Undercover Boss.” Don’t judge. Those employees all have such sad stories. Anyway, I think I’m good for a year now, at least. – Abby Heugel, Abby Has Issues

Q: What’s the best gift you’ve given? Received?

Does birth control count as a gift? — Leanne Shirtliffe, IronicMom.com

The best gift I ever got was earrings from my husband – because they were the super cheap ones, proving that he listened when I said I’d smother him in his sleep if he spent a bunch of money. — Robyn, HollowTreeVentures.com

My best gift is also my detriment. My abs of steel always make the metal detectors go off at airports – pisses me off. — Stacey Hatton, NurseMommyLaughs.com

My blogger friend Allison of MotherhoodWTF? kept posting pictures of vulva cupcakes on my Facebook wall, so I mailed her handmade giant vulva-shaped bars of soap. No one can out-vulva me. As for received? A young, shy girl who I knew had a hard home life that attended the creative writing class I led at a Boys & Girls Club in Boston made me a bracelet and silently slipped it onto my wrist during a session one day. I’ve kept it ever since, about 15 years now. – Kim Bongiorno, Let Me Start By Saying

My husband had my wedding bouquet recreated for an anniversary gift. Kinda blew me away and made up for the mountain bike he gave me that I never used. I gave my daughter Lady Gaga tickets this Christmas. She cried. – Rebecca Frugalista Blog

I’m a horrible present giver – no creativity at all. My Hubby on the other hand, always gets me something meaningful, proving that he actually DOES listen to my rantings. Kathy, kissing the frog

Q: What do you think about when you are alone in your car?

I am never. EVER. alone in the car. And when I drive at all, there’s no room in my head for thinking with all the screaming and requests for snacks coming from the back seat. — Robyn, HollowTreeVentures.com

I’m almost always alone in the car, and I often think “I’m the only one who knows how to drive in a Michigan winter” and “If you beep your horn .03 seconds after the light turns green, I can promise I will shut off my car, lie on the hood and feed the birds for an hour.” – Abby Heugel, Abby Has Issues

I don’t remember what I think about when the people in front of me are slow all the time. I just hate them and wait for a passing opportunity. Then I think I might have road rage. – Magnolia Ripkin

I finish arguments with more witty comebacks than I did in real life. – Rebecca, Frugalista Blog

Some people can hear themselves think? I am rarely ever alone in the car, but when I am I think of nothing until I realize that I am still playing the children’s CD and then I wonder how the hell I didn’t notice for 20 blocks. – Kathy, kissing the frog

Generally I think about what I need to do, bills I have to pay, blog ideas, and then I snap out of it and think, “WHY THE HELL AM I STILL LISTENING TO THIS TAYLOR SWIFT CD????” – Katie- Somewhat Sane Mom

How to prolong the time that I am alone in my car. – A.K. Turner, AKTurner.com

Q: What three things can’t you live without?

Oxygen, Water, a Iodized Salt. Is this a technical question? – Nicole Leigh Shaw, NinjaMomBlog.com

Kindle, bubblebath (and water and a tub if we’re being technical) and TV. I love my TV. – Meredith, From Meredith to Mommy

Every fricken pair of heels I own, my electronics and my wine box… yes it is a box, piss off. – Magnolia Ripkin

Sweat pants, diet soda and Bengay – Kristen, Life On Peanut Layne

Q: What’s the biggest thing you’ve ever lost?

My sanity. — Leanne Shirtliffe, IronicMom.com

My virginity. – Deva Dalporto, MyLifeSuckers

Several years of my life I spent convinced that happiness wasn’t a real thing that regular people can have. — Robyn, HollowTreeVentures.com

My ass. But then I gained it back again after Fruit Loop #2, dammit. – Christine, Keeper of The Fruit Loops

My big, spectacular breasts. Thanks, kids! – Kim Bongiorno, Let Me Start By Saying

Dang it- I was going to say virginity. My ability to hold my bladder while jumping on a trampoline. Rebecca, Frugalista Blog

My oldest son when he was 2 years old for 3 very long minutes in Kohl’s. – Bethany Meyer, I Love Them the Most When They’re Sleeping

Oh god, sorry to be a downer, but my son to cancer. 🙁 – Kathy, kissing the frog

It’s not the biggest, but it’s the weirdest. TWICE in my life I have returned from somewhere with only one shoe. – Meredith, From Meredith to Mommy

Q: Who/What scares you?

Professional adults who use words like “cray cray” and “adorbs” in conversation, people with clipboards, unemployment, sneezing while driving and the thought of an avocado, asparagus or hummus shortage. Also death and toast when it pops up, no matter how prepared that I think I am (for the toast, not for death.) –Abby Heugel, Abby Has Issues

Permanant markers and glitter glue. — Stacey Hatton, NurseMommyLaughs.com

Toilets that flush backwards, Zack Galfiinakis’ beard, and a tampon I’ve left in too long. TMI? – Christine, Keeper of The Fruit Loops

These questions scare me. Are they real? If yes… I will be an issue. – #notgonnamakeit – Magnolia Ripkin

Kardashians – Michelle Newman, You’re my favorite today.

Q: When was the last time you did a happy dance?

Last night, and every night, for those five minutes when all of the kids are simultaneously sleeping. — Robyn, HollowTreeVentures.com

With clothes on? — Stacey Hatton, NurseMommyLaughs.com

In Florida, when I got Jen’s email saying I was allowed to be in I Just Want To Be Alone. I may have violated the waiter and earned a restraining order with said dance but it was worth it. – Christine, Keeper of The Fruit Loops

I’m constantly doing one. Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta. – Kim Bongiorno, Let Me Start By Saying

When my 3 year old peed in the potty. – Katie- Somewhat Sane Mom

When my 2 year old, who doesn’t talk, randomly came out with new words. I’m pretty sure my reaction has terrified her into never talking again. – Meredith, From Meredith to Mommy

When my husband came home with double fudge Oreos. It doesn’t take much to make this mom of five happy-
Kristen, Life On Peanut Layne

I don’t do happy dances. It would make me pee involuntarily. – A.K. Turner, AKTurner.com