ZEN AND THE ART OF SLEEP MAINTENANCE

Remember when you used to lie down in the bed and fall right asleep? Me neither. The only people who have that skill are kids under the age of 12 and men. Last night was another shining example of my inability to sleep. So I spent the hours from 2-5am mentally crafting this booze and sleep-deprivation fueled post.

(Enter obvious disclaimer here.)

My neighbor Lynette made the comment this week that kids don’t dependably sleep through the night until they are three. I agreed with her out loud but in my head I thought to myself “Giorgie sleeps through the night and she is not yet two”. With those moronic words still resonating in my head, Giorgie proceeded to spend the rest of the week proving me wrong.

Babies and toddlers can put the most diabolical evil minds to shame with their abilities to interrupt your sleep in ever-changing ways. How evil are our children when it comes to sleep? Let me show you some of the worst things they can do…

Is there anything you can do to defend yourself? Yes. Don’t have kids. Too late for that? Then no, you’re screwed. I guess I’ll get a good night’s sleep again when they are my age. Fingers crossed….