The Nomad Mom Diary

I'm carrying around a LOT of baggage

You Can’t Suck It In For Eight Hours

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You can't suck it in for 8 hours
It’s the first day of my beach vacation. I pour myself into my new bikini and avoid all close encounters with the mirror before heading out the door. I don’t feel great, my post-baby fat hanging out over the top of the bikini bottoms, so I try to rearrange my bikini top to enhance my droopy mom boobs as I flip-flop my way to the beach.

I do not feel confident in my swimsuit. I do, however, feel confident that if I stand just the right way, with my buttcheeks angled out to sea and my arms crossed to draw all attention to my boobs, I can almost look skinny. Probably not supermodel skinny, but certainly MILF worthy.

As my husband plants our beach umbrella in the sand and the kids scamper off to run in the surf, I slowly slip my cute beach shirt up and over my head. My eyes dart to and fro, one staying firmly fixed on the kids and the other on the look-out for anyone who might be looking at my figure with disdain.

I finally make it down to the surf, my toes curling in the soft, wet sand, the small waves lapping around my ankles. I twist and turn, check and double-check, push my sunglasses back up my nose and as a last ditch effort, I suck in my gut and prepare to stand in this position for the rest of the day.

Thirty seconds later my daughters clamor for me to come down and play in the sand with them. And that is when I realize that you can’t suck it in for eight hours. You can’t stand in that perfect position, with the sun shining on your best features and the shadows hiding all the others away, and enjoy your life, your very existence at the same time.

You can't suck it in for eight hours, but you can suck it in long enough to take one great photo.You can suck it in for a minute or even two. You can suck it in long enough for your partner to give you an appreciative glance and maybe even a catcall. You can suck it in if an especially good-looking group of 20-somethings runs past you Baywatch-style. Most importantly, you can suck it in long enough to take that one good photo, a perfect moment that you can conveniently store away as your entire memory of the vacation.

For the rest of those eight hours, all 478 glorious minutes of sun, sand and sunscreen, you can let it all go. That’s what I do. I fill my days with laughs and giggles, buried hands and feet, tiny sandy buttcheeks and hugely smiling faces. I let go of my need to project the perfect image, to try and convince a group of complete strangers whom I will likely never see again, that I am a fit fashionista straight from the runway.

As I let out that deep breath I am holding, watching my tummy pooch sink back down to the edge of my bikini bottoms and the sunlight illuminate the stretchmarks on my thighs, I look down into the bright blue eyes of my little girls and vow never again to let vanity stand between me and them. Well, maybe not never, but at least until the next time I try to suck it in for eight hours.

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Comments

  1. Good attitude! Though that’s just one thing I’m grateful for in Holland – never been a big beach & bikini girl but in Australia it was not really avoidable. Here in Holland – summer lasts – oh about a week – and then the bikini can be packed away again! I also put a bikini on during holidays, not at all keen to go in the water, but my two little girls, all of 4 & 6 years old told me to “come on little mama” and get into the water. How could I resist that?!

  2. No, you can’t suck it in for one hour let alone eight. I’ve tried.

    I love that you’ve let your vanity go. I have not.

    My body has not seen the sun for many, many years. Maybe some day.

    Thanks for reminding me that being skinny isn’t what’s important. It’s what’s inside that counts.

    Besos, Sarah

  4. I poke and tuck and carefully place everything into my bikini and then I get to the beach and look around and realize that a)no one else cares what I look like except me and b)it’s not as bad as I make it out to be, mostly in my head. I don’t want my kids summer memories to be of their mom hiding under a blanket instead of getting in the water with them. Good on ya Lynn!

  5. I love this post. Good for you! We should all strive to leave our hangups about our mom-bods at home and just go have fun with the kids. (i’m still working on this (= )

  7. Ok. So I really hate it when other people come to comment on a blog and pimp their own posts- but I’m going to pimp mine here. When we got back from our last trip a few weeks ago- I was filled with a new respect and all that crap for my body. I really want you to read it. I want you to read it so badly that instead of linking it here, I decided to register for your site so that I could select it in the little comment love box. But because technology hates me it didn’t work, and now I seem like a stalker who just wants to pimp her own posts. Anyhow. You know where I am. The post is European Beaches yadda yadda. I hope you find it. 🙂

  9. I sucked in for so long that i thought i was actually my sucked in size lol… blogs on point!!!! Let it go and not FROZEN styles!!!;)

  10. Once I get to the beach and see all the other people who are just there to enjoy their time, not worried about sucking it in or giving 2 hoots about what I look like, I always regret that I didn’t wear my bikini … because in my bit of body hysteria before going, I usually ended up putting on something that could appear in a Lands End Winter catalog.

    I’m so much better about body image than I used to be, but there’s still a lot of Stuart Smalley self talk that needs to happen to remind me that “I’m good enough.”

  11. I hear ya! I had this moment, mulled it over for days, finally sat down and wrote this post and you know what, I still am having trouble summoning up the courage to put on the same bikini again this year. Sadly, it never ends.

  12. the great thing about the beach is other people are either drunk, asleep or they have sunscreen in their eyes. turns out they can’t actually see your pooch. or mine. it’s just us who can. great post lynn. as always.

    xo

  15. I think you’re beautiful and a total MILF. Your post-baby stomach has nothing on my cupcake stomach.

    You make an excellent point about sucking it in and trying to be in only flattering positions. You can’t do it and people are going to see you for the way you are. Although I’m most certainly heavy and don’t look good in a bathing suit, I wear one that’s appropriate for my size and I try to let it go. I’m working on my self and my husband loves me, so what else do I need?

    Same with you. You have 2 great girls and a husband who loves you. Even if you do have a little stomach pooch, it’s from the two girls you love the most. It’s totally worth it.

  17. I always start out the summer by taking the kids to the pool furthest away from our neighbourhood so that we won’t run into anyone from our school, and I end the summer by saving gas money and having fun with our friends at the closest pool. This year I’m wising up early. Because it turns out you can’t suck it in for the whole summer either. And I still ran into people I knew no matter where we went. But I will fight anyone who tries to take my full swimsuit with industrial strength tummy control panel to the death!

  18. I struggle with this all of the time. I just want to enjoy my time on the beach without that nagging, doubtful voice in my head. Still trying. Now if I could only have the bikini body back that I was self-conscientious about when I was 22. 🙂 Ellen

  19. Awesome. Yep, I earned my squishy belly, too. It was a warm, safe place for my babies to grow. The moms who have six packs and children are either amazingly naturally like that, or work hard to get that way. I am/do neither, and I don’t care.

  20. So much life is wasted, worrying about your appearance. When in reality, no one really cares. Most people are to focused on having fun, not your stretch marks. Who cares. Have fun with your children, before you are dead. When you are gone, the ones you love won’t be concerned about your weight or what you looked like in a swimsuit … they will be consumed with the memories of how much fun they had with you, no matter what you looked like.

  22. This is so hysterical!! Believe me, I’m having the same struggles and I don’t even have kids. And besides, at most beaches there’s unfortunately LOTS of people wearing inappropriate bathing suits who will make you feel really good about yourself.