WHY BABBLE.COM MAKES ME CRAZY

My latest rant has been about Babble.com. Some friends recommended that I check out the website. Their humor bloggers sucked me in and so I “liked” their facebook page so I could keep up with their content. BIG MISTAKE!

Everyday I am treated the same series of posts. Thanks to the stupid facebook algorithm, I only get to see posts with images…so no blog posts and no articles. I only get photo galleries. Photo galleries that make me want to throw my computer in the canal.

GALLERY #1: The Toddler Squat

The first gallery that makes me crazy is the one with “unbelievably cute photos”. Like puppies in hats or, god forbid, an homage to the toddler squat. (I included the photo so that you don’t think that I just make this shit up.) Are you frickin kidding me? I have two toddlers at home that I have to watch squat 100 times per day. And while they are squatting, they are either peeing, pooping or throwing toys across the room. None of that is cute.

GALLERY #2: FASHION

The second gallery is all about hair and fashion. But not relevant fashion like “the new mom jeans”. Instead I get something that reads like this: “Look at this gorgeous criss-cross braid that a famous hairdresser did for a model at fashion week. Get the look at [insert URL here].” If I click on that link, it had damn well better take me to a swiss bank account full of money. I’ll need to pay the hairdresser to come style my hair and hire the model to babysit.

Even worse are the clothing suggestions. The one that recently set me off – horizontal striped leggings. (My apologies here to those of you who already heard this rant.) WTH? My wrists are bigger around than the legs on the model in the photo. Am I really supposed to believe that designers want to make my thunder thighs look more thunderous?

GALLERY #3: DIY CRAFTS

The last gallery that makes me want to throw myself into the canal is the craft set. “501 ways to MacGuyver a pipe cleaner into a magnificent door wreath” or some other shit like that. Take these Christmas ornament piñatas. It would me 16 hours to make the damn thing. Then I am supposed to let my kids beat it with a stick? They’d probably just beat each other. Good thing since I’d cry if they broke it.

I could “unlike” the page and stop aggravating myself, but what would be the fun of that? So Babble.com, what do you planned for me tomorrow?