SNOWPOCALYPSE 2013

Things have been quiet here on the blog because I have been suffering from snowpocalypse fever. Snowpocalypse fever is when you have a bunch of shitty, but funny in retrospect snow-related adventures, but you have to get some distance before you can talk about them. It has now been a little over a week since snowpocalypse started and I think I am ready.

When you are a kid, snow is great. When you are an adult with no kids, snow is great. When you are an adult with kids, snow is your worst enemy. When you are an adult with kids and you have to travel by bike, snow makes you want to slink off into a corner and cry for the rest of the day. How do I know this? Let me share the lessons I learned while snow biking.

#1 Yellow Snow
Everyone knows not to eat the yellow snow. But do you have any idea how hard it is to avoid when you are sliding across the ice with a bicycle on top of you??? Do you?? Day one of snow biking saw me fall not one, but two times in the span of 10 minutes. The only positive of falling in the snow is that you don’t rip your pants. Everything else about it just sucks. And no, I don’t know that I ate at yellow snow. You don’t exactly want to go and look once you are down. Ignorance is bliss.

#2 Kids are jerks
Kids have zero sympathy for you when you are biking in the snow. They might say “be careful mommy” the first time you fall. Every time after that they just yell at you to hurry up and get them to dance class. You can’t even enjoy your war wounds. I showed Giorgie my bruised knee and she now insists that she also has a bruise…and it needs a kissy…which means I have to get down on my knees to baby her. See the problem? Kids are jerks.

#3 Husbands are insane
I know, I know…I might as well have announced that the pope is Catholic. You people already know that husbands are certifiably crazy. However, even if you know this, you will still be shocked by their snowbiking insanity. They think that the bicycle is just a set of skis with wheels and they spend the week looking around town for fresh powder. Alex has been speed biking home through the unplowed nature reserve while I am going so slow that grannys with walkers are lapping me.

Warm weather can’t come soon enough for me. If anyone wants to get together with some extension cords and hair dryers, I’m in. Let’s get this motha’ out!