ROYAL BABY MANIA

So apparently there is going to be a new royal baby sometime soon. And by soon I mean that no one here in the UK has any idea of when he or she is coming. Before we moved here I was kind of a little excited to see what kind of hoopla we’d get to see when the baby arrived. Would it be the talk of the office? Would I be inundated with photos/stories/discussions everywhere I turned.

Um. no.

After two months in the UK, I have only found 4 people who have any interest in the royal baby. FOUR. (Well, four people and 475 companies that want to make money by exploiting the new baby’s arrival, but that is another story.) Their reasons for following the baby story were so crazy that I had to share them here.

MY FRIEND V

My friend V (aka my posh London friend) is 39 weeks pregnant. In London. And is scheduled to have a c-section this week. At the same hospital where Kate is booked in. I just saw a photo of Natalie Morales sitting in a lawn chair knitting outside of the hospital. So try and imagine this scene…you’re super, mega pregnant. You are on your way in for the big day, stressed, nervous and full of wonder about whether your new baby will resemble you at all. Yet before you can get in the door, you have to walk a press gauntlet and stop and admire the scarf Natalie whipped up that morning. Giving birth at home might start to look better.

(Here a photo she snapped on July 5th on her way in for a check-up. Now try and imagine how many press peeps are there now…)

MY NEW WORK FRIENDS

Last week I went to a business boat party. (I know, I’m posh like that.) I was chatting with some nice gals, getting the scoop on schools and activities in the area. Then out of nowhere one of them said, “Oh, when the royal baby is born, you have to come down to Abingdon for the bun toss.” Um, WTF? Bun toss? I assumed that something had been lost in translation, so I asked for a clarification. “Uh, did you just say bun? Like bread?” She responded, “Yes, like a hot cross bun. The city council climbs up the tall tower in the center and throws buns out into the crowd. It is a holdover from the aristocratic days when they would share food with the commoners around the hols.” (btw, hols is Brit-speak for holidays. I think they missed the boat on that one, vacay is waaayyy better than hols. Lame.)

There are so many things wrong with this that I don’t even know where to begin. Oh who am I kidding, of course I know where to start. Anyone else thinking of Marie Antoinette? When I read her story I didn’t dream that someday I’d get to be the poor asshole standing outside trying to catch a bread bun. And how is that not dirty? What if they hit the ground? Is there a unanimous agreement that everyone will abide by the ten second rule? Apparently they even do this if it rains on the big day, although “the umbrellas do make it less fun”. Again, WTF? I grew up celebrating Mardi Gras near New Orleans, and even I think that shit is weird.

So there you go. Those are, with the exception of the previously mentioned 475 advertisements I’ve seen, the only discussions I’ve had about the new baby. Wonder if things will change once Kate pops…