The Nomad Mom Diary

I'm carrying around a LOT of baggage

Reasons Why I am a Beeyotch

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Reasons why I am a beeyotch

I am having one of those days that is going to end with me either punching someone in the face or flushing my own head down the toilet. I am a mega, mega beeyotch. Some people call these kind of days the exception. I call them Tuesday. 

My husband made the mistake of asking me why I am so bitchy today. While I was shoveling dirt back into the hole in the garden I came up with quite a long list. I thought I’d share it with you, just in case some of you others have a similar problem and don’t want to have to think all of this up again.

REASONS WHY I AM A BITCH (valid on any given day)

  1. I woke up.
  2. I woke up too early.
  3. The kids kept me up all night
  4. I have kids (applicable to most days)
  5. I am married…to a man (maybe it would be different if I had married a woman…I dunno.)
  6. My pants are too tight
  7. My pants are all dirty
  8. I am wearing my least favorite pair of underwear (the threadbare granny panties that ride up my butt)
  9. I have to go somewhere that I can’t wear yoga pants
  10. I had to put on a bra AND brush my hair
  11. My bra is too big (why can’t the weight come out of my belly instead of my boobs?)
  12. It’s my non shower day but I have to look nice
  13. It’s my shower day but I don’t have anywhere to go
  14. I left my house (sometimes, isn’t that enough?)
  15. I have 400 loads of laundry to do / dishes to wash / etc.
  16. Someone peed on my floor
  17. Someone pooped on my floor
  18. My husband said the word “gym” in the house. (Context is irrelevant)
  19. Nothing I see, read, hear or think is funny
  20. Everything I think of is funny, but I can’t get anywhere to write it down
  21. My kids are hanging off of me
  22. My kids prefer Papa (I know that I should be happy about that, but don’t the little shits know that I do all of the work and therefore deserve all of the credit)
  23. Everyone on facebook is posting up motivational shit. I don’t need that.
  24. No one is posting anything on facebook. (Come on, refresh already!!)
  25. No one helped me fold the laundry
  26. My husband helped, but did it all wrong and didn’t put anything away
  27. The kids “helped” me fold laundry and now I have to rewash it all
  28. The weather sucks.
  29. The kids are being assholes
  30. I have PMS
  31. My husband has PMS
  32. My kids have PMS
  33. The dog ate my lunch
  34. We ran out of sweets in the house.

So those are my reasons….or a few of them at least. What are yours?

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Comments

  2. Oh dear lord. I so needed this today. I feel like the world’s biggest asshole. I pretty much want to stab everyone I come into contact with, and I keep wondering what’s wrong with me. And the worst part? Reading posts from “nice” people online. Bleh.

    So thanks…

  3. Oh man, I hear you on that one. I’ve started unliking and unsubscribing from the nice mommy blogs. I am pretty sure that this makes me a bad person, but somedays I just want to be surrounded by my peeps. I’m off to check out your site now.

  4. Oh god- this is fucking perfect. I love all of it. I just got back from the dentist and wore my yoga pants there. I think I’m clear of threats that would force me out of the yoga pants today…

  5. I SWEAR my baby has PMS. And it is the absolute worst when all I’m left with to wear is my granny panties; especially with the 400 loads of laundry I swear I just did. Also, my kids apparently decided to take a bath in the sink when I asked them to wash their hands because the bathroom floor is now a giant puddle. So yeah–it’s a Tuesday!