Once you got that baby out of your belly, I bet you thought that level of stressful craziness was behind you. Not so, bucko! The first five years (at least!) of birthday celebrations are so bad, you’ll find yourself wishing for an epidural all over again. Don’t believe me? Here are eleven ways birthday parties […]
Not All F Words Are Created Equal
The first time I said the F word, I was eight years old, and it was such a traumatic experience that I still remember it 29 years later. There I am, standing in the school bus aisle, staring down at my arch-nemesis. I think he’s cute, he thinks I’m cute, but at 8 years old […]
9 Gifs That Perfectly Describe My Mother-in-Law’s Visit
If a picture is worth a thousand words, it is safe to assume that each of these videos represents a million cursewords left unsaid when my mother-in-law comes to visit. When I realize that my mother-in-law arrives in less than 48 hours and my house is a cesspool What I want to do What I […]
The Ultimate Guide to Staycations
Calling anything involving kids a “vacation” is a JOKE! Once you are a parent, the only true vacation begins with you and your kids getting in vehicles going in opposite directions. Since most of us aren’t made of money, we have to try and convince ourselves that staying together at home counts as a vacation. […]
An Open Letter to 1D’s Zayn Malik from a Mom
Dear Zayn, Normally when I have to talk with kids about a beloved pop star leaving the public eye, it’s because they’re dead. That seems to be the way it goes nowadays. A crazy rise to stardom, a seemingly never-ending series of stunts and stories to make them bigger, better, badder, crazier, more slutty, more […]
12 Facebook Friend Requests We Love to Hate
Finding out someone wants to be your friend used to be a cause for celebration. Used to be. Thanks to Facebook, now we’re all inundated with requests from people that we love to hate. Don’t believe me? Check out my list below, and for god’s sake, if you recognise yourself in any of these, please […]
Ten Things Your FitBit Wants To Tell You
In our twenties, when our fat pants got tight we’d just walk around the block a couple of times and not eat bread for a week. Not so nowadays. One of the great indignities of middle age is realizing that you are no longer capable of managing your weight without supervision. It doesn’t matter what […]
Seven Things My Children Taught Me About Love
People always say that they never knew what love was until they had children. Before having kids of my own, I assumed that this phrase referenced the amazing, unconditional love a mother has for her progeny, a bottomless supply required to overcome challenges such as poop smeared walls and 24+ hours of labor. Now that […]