HELLO, SPONSORS? ARE YOU THERE?

In case you have been living under a rock for the past week, you have probably not missed my 1000 requests to vote for me in the Circle of Moms Funny Mom blogger contest. (You can vote here…but come right back.) You might be wondering, “Why in the hell is she hassling us so much to go and vote for her?” Let me reassure you that I don’t have any expectations that winning this thing will result in Circle of Moms showing up on my doorstep with a check for a million dollars (although that would solve my house for sale problem, but I digress). However, I do have two very good reasons for why I give a crap about being a top 25 mom. And here they are…

#1 – Telling Alex to suck it

My husband is wonderfully supportive about any idea I have that is going to pay money. He is considerably less enthusiastic about my ideas that “might someday pay money if I hit it big”…mainly because most of them require me to spend copious amounts of time on the computer and to make a complete ass of myself. He seems to think that this reflects badly on him. (In my defense, we don’t even have the same last name…I mean really, how is anyone going to know that I am his wife if he doesn’t claim me on the interwebs?)

I need, NEED, need to do well in this competition so that someone out there in the great big world will decide to invest a little money in me. A book deal would be nice. A simple sponsored post might be more realistic. A small check to cover my hosting fee would probably be enough for me to be able to turn to Alex and say “SUCK IT!” So this is my number one reason.

#2 – A little money

While reading my derailed trains of thought, it might be immediately obvious that I do put some time and effort into writing the blog and keeping up with the social media accounts. I get that. Let me go on record now saying that these things do take some time out of my day. In an ideal world, someone would pay me to write up this nonsense.

As a reader, you might be concerned that a sponsored post would not be funny. Let me put your mind at ease. These are the kind of sponsored posts I’d like to write:

• Wine – Not one of those pretentious reviews that talks about the bouquet of the wine or an after-taste of aged oak and butter. No, I’d say things like “Light flavor makes it easy to gulp down during your two minute dinner” or “High alcohol content means you only need one glass to dull the pain of a day with the kids”…you know, things that we wino-mommies actually care about.
• Slippers – Let me tell you that no one knows more about slippers than a stay-at-home or work-at-home mom. I’d like to tell you which slippers will hold up to 22 hours a day of wear and tear. And which ones give you the best grip for a sprint down the street when your kid or dog slips out the front door. Again, useful info that no one is currently providing.
• Kid dress-up clothes – how many of you would like to know which dress-up clothes hold up after 42 rounds through the washing machine? Or which surprising bargain-priced alternatives end up being more popular than the official Disney outfit? My kid wears a costume nearly every day, so no one knows wear and tear better than I do.

Have no fear that money would ruin this blog….Trust me, I know that it can only get better with a little guidance and a larger alcohol budget. So please vote for me. And if you see any sponsors wandering around on the streets, send them my way. Thx!