Bangers & Smash

I know, I know, it is not PC to crap on other parents when their kids are acting out in public places. I get that. Lord knows my own kids have often been “those kids” that everyone else in the grocery store is running from. That said, I don’t think that we should give a free pass to lazy ass moms who are so focussed on chit-chatting and drinking wine at noon that their toddlers run rampant around a restaurant that doesn’t have a clown on the front door.

The restaurant we chose today for lunch was not advertised as a kid’s place. It did not have a kid’s menu. The meals were not cheap and not really super appropriate for small children. There had been a children’s activity planned for the plaza outside that had been rained out – no doubt the explanation for the few kids in the place.

As we ate our lunch, we were horrified by a pair of toddlers running crazily around the restaurant. They banged on the grand piano. They played stroller derby in the aisleway. They were general nuisances. In other words, they were 3 year olds in a free-for-all.

Their mothers (or nannies…lots of debate on this) didn’t ignore them. Well, not entirely. They did spend the majority of lunch chatting with one another while downing large glasses of wine. That was bad, but we’ve all had that day where we needed an adult conversation and adult beverage to make it through.

What made this pair so hideously annoying was that when they did raise their heads to look at the kids, they laughed and encouraged their efforts. “Oh aren’t you clever to play the piano!” “Oh look, they are playing together!” (as they mowed everything in a 5 foot radius down with their strollers.) They did not give one iota of a shit that they were annoying the crap out of us, the staff and everyone else there.

These kids banged away on the piano, dragged a 2 foot metal pipe across the floor, and attempted to smash my poor kids in the head when they ventured too close. The poor restaurant owner had to eventually wade in and insist that they at least stop scratching up the floor with the pipe.

After today I am putting everyone on official notice. If your kid is acting out and you are being a good parent, I will happily wade in and help or ignore you altogether – depending on your preference. If your kid is acting out because you are clearly a crappy parent or guardian, I am going to walk over and ask you to get your kids under control. There is no space in this mother’s hood for the desperate housewives that give the rest of us a bad name.

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