Yesterday you were born. Today you are three and five. In the blink of the eye you will be thirteen and fifteen. Teenagers. It takes my breath away. As I sit here and watch you two play in the garden, I can’t help but think of all of the words of advice I need to […]
Archives for May 2014
I Wipe Big Butts And I Cannot Lie
I wipe big butts and I cannot lie. You other mothers can’t deny. When your kid walks in with a poopie diaper in place and the smell it hits your face, you know its on! You can’t escape to the beauty salon. Who knew you’d dream about the toilet bowl? Those other mothers tried to […]
The Bedroom Agreement
My husband and I have differing opinions about when is the right time for some action in the bedroom. He thinks it should be anytime he wants it. I used to feel the same but then we had a kid. And then another kid. Now I think it should be booked into the calendar at […]
23 Things I’ll Never Understand About Toddlers
Is there anything more mind-boggling than a toddler? Lord, I hope not. I came up with 500 things about them that are incomprehensible, but I only managed to type up 23 before they found me hiding in my closet. If you have or have had toddlers, I’m sure you can understand…. So here they are: […]
Why we will never forget her
I’ll never forget the night I got the phone call. It’s nearly midnight and I’m trying to get my eight months pregnant body into a comfortable position. My husband comes into the bedroom and asks, “Did you see the email from your mother?” I shake my head no. “She wants you to call her immediately,” […]
Real Morals of the Disney Movies
Over the past five years, my kids have spent nearly 20,000,000 hours watching Disney movies. Ok, fine, that might be a bit of an exaggeration…but not by much. After all of that time spent in front of the boob tube, I can count up the things they’ve learned on one hand: All princesses wear pink […]
When the Metaphor Goes Awry
When my driver’s license and the elastic in my waistband both expire on the same day, I know I am holding a bag of life’s metaphorical lemons. When I get home and see my year old, still in mint condition, bicycle sitting in the garage I get a glimmer of the proverbial lemonade that everyone […]